


catch perfection with a net and rod

by lupcretia will rise (waved)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Mermaids, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-19 14:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11899323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waved/pseuds/lupcretia%20will%20rise
Summary: Glowing, electric blue irises crowded by black sclera hovered above Lup, framed by dark lashes and completely unblinking. When the eyes noticed Lup's movement (the change in her breathing, her blinking), they widened slightly — they were already solarge— and jerked back.Lup catapulted up, scrambling over her long legs and pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. A young thing, someone Lup's age, sat at the edge of sand-meets-sea, right near where Lup set up camp. It was dark, and even with Lup's great vision, she could barely see shit — just the illumination of a face, pretty baby-blue eyes, and the ocean backdrop."Who—" started Lup, but the creature started, gave a full body tremor, and disappeared from view.





	catch perfection with a net and rod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive just got so much to write about these two i love them so  
> tw for near drowning  
> please lmk about any mistakes i make

"Hey, Koko, 'm goin' to the beach!" Lup called from the kitchen, shoving her flip-flops into her bag. "Don't wait up, loser!"

"Fuck off!" Taako screeched from his room. There was a loud crash, followed by a long string of expletives. "Go! _Shoo!_ Krav is coming in, like, ten minutes, I can't let him know what a _terrible_ sister you are!"

Lup rolled her eyes. "You love me, asshat." She found her sunglasses in the fridge, adorning the gallon of buttermilk inside. When she got them, Taako was standing in the doorway.

His usually curly-frizzy hair was tied up in an elaborate braided bun and his makeup was off the fucking hook. He practically oozed beauty from his pores. He was also wearing the shortest dress in their (unfortunately) shared closet, a pink-velvet keyhole thing that barely covered his dick. Lup absolutely remembered buying it for herself, but it was in _no_ way that short.

The scars on his legs should have shown, but he'd ingeniously gone for hot pink fishnets under the dress, with chunky black heels and a trimmed bolero to complete the entire eyesore.

"I _do_ love you," he said, gently pressing his palm to his forehead. "Which is fucking unfortunate, because I wanna get boned out of my goddamn mind _,_ thank you."

 _"_ TMI, you fuck!" Lup yowled, making a T shape with her hands before turning on her heel and stomping to the door. "No consummation in my fuckin' house!"

 _"Merle's_ house!" Taako cried as she slammed the door.

"You look like a _slutty flamingo!"_ she crowed back, her head turned to the screen door so Taako would (probably not) hear her better. When she turned back, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Kravitz was on the porch, awkwardly holding a hasty-looking bouquet. He smiled at her, forced and crooked.

"Slutty flamingo, huh?" he asked, shifting his weight.

"Yeah. Christ, wait till you see 'im." She gave little kicks of her feet, stepping off the wooden porch to the ground below. "You better fuck him tuh-night, babe, he will _never_ forgive you if you don't."

Taako, ever the drama king, appeared at precisely the wrong time. "Stop sexually harassing my boyfriend, you awful fucking _gremlin!"_

Giving a tinkling laugh, Lup popped her frilly parasol open and hung it over her shoulder. Kravitz looked absolutely mortified but also preciously _pleased_ in a way that made even Lup's heart melt. Taako had a shit taste in guys, so the fact that he bagged a softie like this was a real weight off Lup's shoulders.

"Use protection!" she called as she began walking down the street, twirling her umbrella all the while. "Use a banana for practice if you're not ready for the real thing! And for the _love_ of _God,_ make sure to lock the fuckin' door — don't let Merle's kids walk in on you _again."_

Taako's voice was distant, but through the stillness of dusk and the salt-sticky air, it travelled.

_"GET FUCKED BY A FISH!"_

 

* * *

 

Lup got to the beach later than she anticipated. She had dawdled, stopped by some of the seaside Mom-n-Pop stores before they closed and she now had a pretty decent collection of saltwater taffy. She rolled out her obnoxiously elaborate beach towel and flopped onto it, unclipping her heels and dropping her sandals to the sand beside her. Her shirt came off next, neatly folded into her tote; all she had left on was her bikini and sarong.

And then — silence.

She stared up at the sky, matching constellations in her head. _Joaquin. Istus. Raven Queen. Troth._ All constellations she made up with Taako while they were on the run. A fun activity to make the lack of food and no home seem less awful. It hardly worked, but now she had a piece of Taako in the sky, wherever they went, no matter their separation.

Next to Joaquin was a gathering of stars in the vague shape of two pentagrams side by side — that was them, lovingly named _The Coolest Twins in the History of Ever._ Lup smiled, listened to the waves, and closed her eyes for just a moment.

When she opened them, she saw a light.

It took her a moment to realize what it was.

_Eyes._

Glowing, electric blue irises crowded by black sclera hovered above Lup, framed by dark lashes and completely unblinking. When the eyes noticed Lup's movement (the change in her breathing, her blinking), they widened slightly — they were already so _large_ — and jerked back.

Lup catapulted up, scrambling over her long legs and pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. A young thing, someone Lup's age, sat at the edge of sand-meets-sea, right near where Lup set up camp. It was dark, and even with Lup's great vision, she could barely see shit — just the illumination of a face, pretty baby-blue eyes, and the ocean backdrop.

"Who—" started Lup, but the creature started, gave a full body tremor, and disappeared from view. There was a splash; the exhaust of it splattered on Lup, and she gave a long exhale, lying back down.

She grabbed her phone.

 

* * *

 

"Koko? Taako, you — Jesus, no, I don't _care_ that you're balls-deep in your dinky boyfriend — _don't bring Barry into this it was a mutual breakup_ — okay-okay-okay just hear me out for _two seconds_ — yes! I get it! You're busy being in a committed relationship, I understand! …Well you know what, if there were any _single_ gay girls around this fuckin' resort, maybe I _would!_ Jesus. Jesus, fine. I saw a mermaid, Taako. Yes, I — …Taako? Did you just — did you just hang up on me _oh_ my _God."_

 

* * *

 

Lup glared down at her phone. Taako's icon, one she had taken on the sly before he had all his makeup on, faded from the screen.

"Jesus," she sighed. A moment passed. She sat at the edge of her towel, barely moving, barely  _breathing_ , before tossing her phone behind her, hastily untying her sarong, and rushing into the water. She stumbled, fell to her hands and knees, her heart pounding, pounding, _pounding_. The sea spilled around her, hugged her waist, pulled her in.

 _"Hey!"_ she called into the ocean, rising to her feet. She kept moving, she  _had_ to, up until her feet were barely touching the sea floor.

And suddenly, a hand wrapped around her ankle.

Lup fell under the wave, the current, otherworldly webbed fingers dragging her down into the murky waters. She tried not to inhale — she  _did_ , truly — but when she opened her eyes, she saw that  _blue_ , the shocking shade that shook her, and the air was forced from her lungs in the strangled gasp that left her. The eyes got closer.

Lup felt herself shuddering, felt the water she kept swallowing,  _felt_ the hand on her ankle loosen and the stare of the eyes. And then she felt air. She was staring those eyes down, even through the stinging of the saltwater, and there was something against her lips. Those blue eyes didn't blink — didn't bother to; they felt no need to give Lup that final, aching comfort that, perhaps, it was a human breathing air into her. But no — this was that ethereal being on the beach, its sharp nails digging into Lup's neck to keep their faces level. And then it was dragging her up to the surface.

Lup broke the sea surface, coughing. The creature, partially submerged, followed her as she dragged herself from the hands of the ocean.

"What the  _shit_ ," Lup spluttered, still struggling to breathe through the water still in her lungs. The creature —  _impossibly_ — slithered onto the sand beside Lup's shivering form. The day broke around her, setting the thing into striking definition.

A human-ish face, certainly. A human-adjacent torso, maybe. Hips down was a thick, pale blue tail, leading back into the water — not human no matter  _how_ Lup played it. It had a soft, long face that set everything Lup knew about proportion and consistency out of whack — a button nose with slits for nostrils; wide, pitch-black eyes with that  _blue_ Lup couldn't even try to name; thick lips around a wide _(too wide)_ mouth, with spindly, luminescent teeth emerging from it; silvery, short hair, plastered to its face.

The creature rasped out something, mouth moving sluggishly against its too-long teeth. When Lup didn't respond, it tried again — something more flowing, solid, but still unrecognizable. Finally, it growled out a  _"fuck"_ that Lup certainly recognized.

 _"Oh_ , I know that," she said, reaching out, unthinking, to pat its arm. Feeling the grimy scales, she shuddered and pulled back. "Try again, though."

"You  _fucking_ humans," it hissed, some foreign accent dripping into its words. "Only knowing expletives, never bothering to  _broaden_ yourselves, never  _experiencing_ the world as it is. Pitiful. I fucking hate having to be the one to save you."

"That's a little hypocritical," Lup said, nonplussed. "You just said fuck, like, five times, babe."

"I'm  _not_ your  _babe_ —"

"Hey, not to cut you off or anything, but your tits are out."

The thing's pupils went wide, swallowing up the blue as it lunged toward Lup, bracketing its arms around Lup's hair and curling its tail around her legs. Even with it looped around her nearly three times, more  _still_ was in the water. Lup gagged, just a bit.

"That's kinky," she managed, laughing a bit to cover up her obvious fear. "If you're into that, I guess, which I think you  _have_ to be, considering it's  _your_ tail—"

"Quiet.  _Allód_ , you humans drive me into the wall." It backed away from Lup somewhat, choosing to sit —  _could it sit?_  — on Lup's hips instead, which was _slightly_ arousing, but mostly wet and gross on her bare thighs.

"'Kay, not to like, upset ya further," Lup ventured, shying against the pure ice in this weirdo's eyes. "But, like, what do you want from me?"

"It isn't a matter of what I want from you. It's a matter of what I _don't_ want — and I very much do not want you trying to  _drown_ yourself like a fool in my ocean." It looked over its shoulder, almost as if something was waiting for it, deep in the tide.

 _"Your?"_ is what Lup latched on to, leaning up on her elbows. "Like, singular ownership?"

"No. You're stupid."

"I take offense to that!"

 

* * *

 

 

It took a whole fucking  _lot_ of prying for Lup to learn its name.  _Lucretia_ , she had said.  _I am a woman of the sea, a guardian of the boundary. Humans like you, I slaughter without a second thought. You were lucky — I was caught off guard._

The sun rose steadily behind them as Lucretia sat on top of Lup and made small — if angry — conversation. Lucretia seemed miffed at Lup's "idiocy," like it was her fault she hadn't seen the depths of the ocean on the coast of Greece. When Lup asked her if she had  _been_ to Greece _(like, the land, come on)_ , she flushed indignantly and changed the subject.

"So, lemme get this straight," Lup sighed. "You're uh, uh, a  _mermaid_ —"

"A  _merrow_ —"

"—God, who  _gives_ a shit," Lup groaned. "You're a  _meh-row_ who haunts this specific beach front and can shape-shift into a human, or — or _something_."

At this, Lucretia stiffened slightly, then narrowed her eyes. "I don't do a  _shape shift_ , and especially not into a human."

Lup made an inquiring noise. "Really? Your cooch is, to put it lightly, rubbin' up on me right now."

Lucretia gave a full-body spasm as she finally looked down at her — her  _legs_. She had legs now, wrapped around Lup's waist in a way that was  _entirely_ demeaning. She jerked back and hit the sand behind her, a low keen starting in her throat.

"This hasn't happened in  _centuries_ ," she lamented, looking truly distressed as she scrubbed her hands over her her face. The scales up her neck and down her neck began to flake off under the pressure, her teeth breaking into smaller, blue points inside her mouth as soon as she touched them — the only feature that remained the same was her now-curly pale hair and her black-and-blue eyes. "I was always so careful — I don't get caught up talking to humans like you, I—"

Lucretia's expression went uncharacteristically shy, her cheeks growing dark.

"What makes  _you_ the exception, Lup?"

"Fuck if I know," she snorted. She scooted back until she touched her beach towel and began to roll it up, putting it back in her bag. She clipped her heels back on and started to tie her sarong back on before she heard Lucretia give a loud screech.

 _"Shit!"_ she howled. Lup spared a glance, and saw the naked merrow staring morosely into the sea, her arm cradled against her body. She turned back to Lup. Her eyes were filled with tears. "It burnt me. The ocean — my  _home_ —" She began to shake, pressing her lips tight to keep any noises from escaping. Still, tears ran down her cheeks and dripped onto her breast.

Lup, in a rare fit of pity, reached over and draped her sarong around Lucretia's shoulders.

"Come home with me," she offered, mentally noting the way Lucretia shriveled back. "We can figure out your shit. Trust me — people won't be too awesome to a naked chick on the beach."

She smiled her most winning, toothy grin and reached into her tote bag to grab her oversize  _N.A.S.A._  shirt that had once belonged to Magnus. If it was large on her, Lucretia's petite body would drown in it. Lup tugged it over her shoulders.

"Fine," Lucretia said, her mouth moving in a way that seemed like she was trying hard not to grin.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos are the reason i live! do so and lucretia wont splash u


End file.
